Transitions can be bewildering, because the line that defines the change in expectations is not always clear. Think of the differences between the rule in your home and the classroom, and between the classroom and the playground! Giving your child warnings and time to prepare in advance can help. It can take time to understand and master the distinctions and boundaries. In the meantime, it’s stressful trying to keep track of it all.

The cafeteria at lunchtime can be sensory overload. I know I don’t need an adult equivalent to understand that one! I can still hear the noise and feel the energy levels bouncing off those concrete block walls as if it was yesterday.

A substitute teacher might ruin the whole day, no matter how sweet and kind she is. Imagine spending months learning to please your boss and then a new one comes along with an entirely different set of requirements.

I think you get the idea. It’s not a leap to grasp that kids have as much stress in their lives as we do, once we look at things from their perspective. Add to this fear and anticipation, and yikes, it’s amazing they aren’t acting out more often!

So to recap: kids do not misbehave in order to gain power or control. They act out after being triggered into an instinctive mode of dealing with a perceived threat: fight or flight. Their need in these situations is for protection, safety, empathy, and reassurance. Our guidance and education about how to handle future such situations will only be effective after the child has calmed down.

copyright 2006 Karen Alonge